Secrets in Lace

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Sex News Roundup, March 26/14

(File photo.)

Dusty Miller

Southern states and the Bible Belt watch more gay porn on average.

“It began with a simple question.  Proceeding from the assumption that less sex in a marriage turns straight couples to online porn, does the same hold true for gay married couples?”

(There would also be the question of single folks in repressive social contexts. The study also notes the difficulty in distinguishing between lesbian searches and male searchers. Males report a high interest in voyeurism and lesbian acts.)

Pornhub and Buzzfeed sought the answers and got some surprising results.”

“Looking at gay porn viewers by state, we see an interesting phenomenon. Why, would you look at that! 

The highest numbers are, by and large, in southern states. Hmmmm. But all of those states hold that same-sex marriage is illegal, right? There wouldn’t be just a tinge of hypocrisy at play here, would there? You bet your stars & bars there is. Every single southern state has a percentage of gay porn viewers higher than the average for states with legal same-sex marriage.” 


Who’s doing what?

Speaking of the Bible Belt, we might be a bit surprised by who’s actually making and uploading amateur porn videos onto the internet.

“Amateur porn website Homegrown Video (NSFW link) cataloged all video submissions they received over a six-month period. They found that almost one-third of homemade sex tapes submitted between July and December 2013 were created not in sexually liberal coastal cities, as one might imagine, but in the Bible Belt. Furthermore, 56.9 percent of videos were submitted by women.”

(This is one of those I LOVE MY JOB DAYS.)

“These results are consistent with a recent PornHub study, which found that the religiosity of an area had little impact on how much porn its residents watch. Furthermore, residents of cities with higher churchgoing rates spent 47 seconds longer per PornHub visit than their peers in less religious cities.”
Personally, I have no conclusions. I may have more questions, but no conclusions.


So. Just how much porn is there on the internet?

That’s a very good question, and we can thank the BBC for answering it.

“Many things in porn are exaggerated, including the statistics regularly quoted to show how much pornography is on the web.”

“The need to get a good sense of its size and reach has sharpened as British politicians, pundits and the media debate what influence pornography is having on children, teenagers and their understanding of what sex is all about.”

“A lot of different statistics were quoted in those debates. However, few stand up to scrutiny.”

“One figure that cropped up again and again is that 37% of the internet is made up of pornographic material. 
Many of those people who quoted the figure took it from a press release put out in June 2010 by net filtering firm Optenet.”

Ah, but.

“However, that same year the largest study ever done into human sexuality published a very different figure for how many of the web's most popular sites were devoted to porn. The academics behind the research based their results on analysis of the million most frequented sites in the world. Most people now turn to the web to see pornography Their estimate? Just 4% of those websites were porn.”


Can watching porn help your relationship?

“Can porn really enhance married life?”

“The predominant stereotypes regarding  pornographyrevolve around men who can't get enough of it, and women who can't stand it. Traditional thinking dictates that porn-loving men should be hiding in dark corners, terribly ashamed of whatever weakness causes them to want to look at pictures of naked ladies. Women, on the other hand, should never touch porn themselves (no, romance novels aren't porn, they're romantic) and should feel degraded by the very idea of appearing in some. They should also be totally jealous if their own love interest admits to looking at porn because it means he prefers porn to real women.”

“Of course, the more  sex-positive people among us know that today there is a wide variety of pornography out there catering to all kinds of different styles and to both women and men. Pornographic art, film and literature have made it into the mainstream. Heck, we'd probably enjoy pornographic dramas and sitcoms on TV if only they existed.”

A friend woke up in the middle of the night and saw her husband masturbating.

As she told me, “I wondered why the hell he would ever want to do that when I was right there.”

(There is a time to bite one’s tongue and just nod sagely, and say nothing.)

“The important thing, according to the research, is that we're open and honest about what we like, what we do, and what we want to do.”


Sexual activity grows brain cells.

“Forget mindfulness meditation, computerized working-memory training, and learning a musical instrument; all methods recently shown by scientists to increase intelligence. There could be an easier answer. It turns out that sex might actually make you smarter.”

“Researchers in Maryland and South Korea recently found that sexual activity in mice and rats improves mental performance and increases neurogenesis (the production of new neurons) in the hippocampus, where long-term memories are formed.”

Middle-aged rats.

“In April, a team from the University of Maryland reported that middle-aged rats permitted to engage in sex showed signs of improved cognitive function and hippocampal function. In November, a group from Konkuk University in Seoulconcluded that sexual activity counteracts the memory-robbing effects of chronic stress in mice. “Sexual interaction could be helpful,” they wrote, “for buffering adult hippocampal neurogenesis and recognition memory function against the suppressive actions of chronic stress.”

Texans say watching porn causes brain damage.

“So growing brain cells through sex does appear to have some basis in scientific fact. But there’s some debate over whether fake sex—pornography—could be harmful. Neuroscientists from the University of Texas recently argued that excessive porn viewing, like other addictions, can result in permanent “anatomical and pathological” changes to the brain. That view, however, was quickly challenged in a rebuttal from researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, who said that the Texans ‘offered little, if any, convincing evidence to support their perspectives. Instead, excessive liberties and misleading interpretations of neuroscience research are used to assert that excessive pornography consumption causes brain damage.’"


Here’s one that I always find interesting.

Does the use or availability of pornography increase the rate of violence against women?

According to BOLD, the answer is yes.

“The consumption of pornography can be directly linked to violence against women.”

According to Liberal Conspiracy, the answer is no.

“Research reported last week in The Scientific American claimed that using porn can actually reduce levels of violence against women and girls.”

I suppose it depends on whom you ask and what their interest is. There’s also the question of objectivity when an issue already generates strong and opposing opinions. How in the hell you are ever going to get an objective result with everyone peddling an agenda and such small study samples is beyond this writer.

I suppose the truth will never be known, and even if it was, those with an opposing interest would never accept it anyway.

Anyhow, that’s it for today.

Love and kisses.



Thursday, March 13, 2014

What's this thing called, love?

Dusty Miller

“What’s this thing called, love?”

It didn’t take too much erotica writing before the inevitable questions arose.

“Holy crap, are erotica writers among the frickin’ loneliest people of the world?”

“Why am I just aching with loneliness inside, and why is finishing one of these and not having anything to do the worst feeling in the world?”

(“Why am I so horny all the time?”)

“And why am I staring at people’s faces and checking out their walk in a world where we tend to avoid eye-contact, staring, and being sexually aggressive?”

I don’t know, but it’s definitely a time-filler, or something.

What I think happens is that writing romance, love stories, erotica, all that romantic shit, highlights and underscores the fact that there’s not really all that much going on in our own life.

And yet maybe, as an expression of our own most personal wants, needs, desires or fantasies, it says a lot.

Love is a universal human need. Everybody wants love, it’s like money in that sense. Sex is a powerful driving motive behind many of our daily actions.

Stated baldly, a house is a place where people mate and have kids…right? Sure, we all got to live somewhere. But it could be stated that way and not be all that inaccurate.


Every so often you get a crush on someone.

You know damned well it ain’t happening, right? Generally speaking, there’s not much you can do about it but suffer and wait for the next big crush to come along…then you’ll forget all about ‘em.

Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Even then, it says a little something about what’s going on inside of your head, which is the biggest sex organ of all, according to the experts, mostly scientists and guys with big heads…(hmn.)


I don’t think it’s ever a mistake to love someone. Even when they don’t and probably never will love you back, or even be aware of your existence.

In those clear-cut cases, it’s probably better not to dump that heavy load on someone who may already have a spouse, significant other, or maybe they're just not very likely to be interested, plain and simple.

Why tell them, right?

Loving someone that you may never have is sure a lot better than hating someone—because that can get to be a habit that’s hard to break.

Because loving and having are all mixed in together. Why love someone you'll never have?
I think it's better than not loving anybody at all, for surely in order to love someone else, we must first love ourselves, and maybe even consider ourselves worthy of some love?

Does that make any sense at all, ladies and gentlemen?

I sure hope so.


There are all kinds of love, from an academic love of humanity, which includes some less than exemplary individuals, but we sort of accept that, to the love of a mother for a child, a father for his son, or between brothers and sisters.

The love of a mate is special. Human beings are animals too, and the natural urge is to mate, and to have a mate.

It’s interesting to read about monogamous species. When the stork loses a mate, it may never mate again. 

Romantic as it seems, it also seems pretty tragic. In most cases, humans will remarry or ‘re-mate’ if you will, sometimes relatively quickly.

A friend told me, “After five years you’re officially a virgin again.”

She’s a lesbian, but her perspective is not far off.

“Well, that is good news indeed.” What the fuck was I supposed to say?

But after a while a bit of that mental or psychological virginity kicks in and it’s like falling off a horse: you’d better get back on and ride that thing, or walk away and stay away!

But it’s, ah, definitely troubling.

I’m a healthy and normal 31 year-old woman, and that biological imperative is hard to ignore.

And if I was out on a hot date with some luscious hunk, always in the back of my mind would be the daughter at home with the babysitter, and the unpaid bills, and the squeaky fan belt on the old Nova, and a hundred other adult concerns that we really didn’t have back then—when we were in high school, or college, or young adults without a care or responsibility in the world. And yet that’s where most of the memories are—that’s where they were built.

No wonder it bears little resemblance to our present reality.


To write erotica or romance is to fantasize, to daydream, and then very simply to write it all down in the best form you can manage. The database for our fantasies is of course our memories. This includes experience, books, films, education, conversation, everything in our heads remotely related to our fantasy of the moment.

There is more to it, I’m sure.

It is a kind of wish fulfillment of a purely symbolic nature.

And yet at the same time there may be a kind of magic in it.

People look at what they like. That’s why I will buy a red car before I buy a silver one. I might even order it special and have to wait, when a silver one was sitting right there on the lot.

People dream and scheme, and manipulate to get what they want. They also have to convince themselves, a.) that it is possible and b.) that this is what they really want c.) the price will not be too high d.) it will work as advertised…the list goeth on.

Because there are always options, including the nun’s habit and the cloister. For whatever reason, that just doesn’t sound like me, although it sure sounds like Sister Heather in Project: Passion.

That book has a very simple message: you have to know what you want or you ain’t ever going to get it now, are you?

I have no doubt whatsoever that the interest in romance, erotica, love, relationships, it all holds great meaning for this writer. And it holds a lot of meaning for readers as well.

The readers want to be loved too. The reader is just like me.

Coming to terms with that meaning, and figuring out just what I must do about that meaning, personally, and in the works that I produce, may be a little more difficult, but we’ll take it one day at a time and see how it goes.

Other than that, thank you for stopping in.